Holden really wants to sell some cars. They've proven their intent. The Holden Cruze, a rebadged version of GM's Chevrolet Cruze, will go on sale within six months. At that time, it won't be locally made, and Australian production will begin at Holden's Adelaide production plant. So desperate are Holden to sell some cars and turn a profit that they have accelerated the arrival of the Cruze, which originally wasn't meant to be sold until locally-made vehicles were ready. The small-car market is currently the fastest growing in Australia, and the Cruze will be sold alongside the Viva and Astra, neither of which Holden believes will be affected in sales by the new Cruze. This is primarily because the Viva will be significantly cheaper (not to mention crapper) and the Astra is only available as a hatch. The Cruze will be sedan only, and will be up against established competitors like the Toyota Corolla, Honda Civic, Mitsubishi Lancer, and Mazda3.

But Holden seems to be finally forgetting the foolish idea that because it is a Holden, it will sell. They've packed it with features that would make the aforementioned competitors weep - the full complement of 6 airbags and Electronic Stability Control will be standard on all models. Cruise control, steering wheel audio controls, and front/rear power windows will also be standard on all models.

And it's not just the features that sound impressive - the mechanicals sound just about right for this day and age. The Holden Cruze will be available with two engines: A brilliantly economical 1.8 Litre Petrol, (103kW, 6.8L/100km) and a 2.0 Litre Diesel (110kW, 5.8L/100km). Even the gearboxes are thoroughly modern and cutting edge - all Cruze models will be available with either a 5 speed manual or a 6 speed automatic. The interior design, also, appears to be functional and stylish (providing the quality of the plastics are up to scratch). The Cruze sounds just about unstoppable.

So although we have a thoroughly boring looking car (with a bum copied straight from the Honda City), we may also have a class-leader. And a car that will save the Australian automotive industry. And possibly save GM Holden from financial doom. Never has so much pressure rested on such a car - but the Cruze is readying itself for the challenge.

MELBOURNE 2009: Holden Cruze To Go On Sale in Six Months

I've done a lot of ranting lately, but after this, I promise I'll stop for a little while. Someone asked me recently (in real life, you idiot, not on the blog - I have a life!) what I thought of Australian-built vehicles. For those of us who aren't entirely aware what's built in Australia these days, this is it:

Really, when it boils down to it, we have essentially three cars - Commodore, Falcon, and Camry. Don't whine that the Aurion isn't a Camry, because it darn well is - they look exactly the same side-on, and have identical interior design. The Mitsubishi 380 was made in Australia, but nobody bought them (because they were ugly, and looked like the American car it was based upon) and it ceased production last year. So that's the story of Australian made. They're all big, large cars, and on the whole - they have V6 engines.

So back to what I think of Australian-Built vehicles. I expressed in no uncertain terms my disgust for them, and was presented with the reply: "Gee, you're great for Aussie jobs, aren't you? Love our economy!" It was like my opinion was a reflection of the Aussie workers, our Aussie talent - I was "unastrayun", apparently. But I have good reasons why I hate Aussie-built cars, and it really comes down to the corporate decision-making that ruins their appeal.

Number One: Australian cars are hurting the environment. Of course they are! They're huge cars with V6 engines! And it's not some production-line worker's fault, it's the Holden bosses' fault. The average Australian sedan has about 200kW of power, with an average economy of 11L per 100km. A V8 has in excess of 270kW, and will use about 14L/100km.

I believe that 200kW is far more power in a family car than anyone really needs, and in just about every market in the world other than the US, 200kW is a figure you'd see on a high performance car - a sports car that sells in minorities. But the Australian large car is sold in majority, so the damage is amplified. You might say that these cars are so heavy that they need 200kW to push them along, but the only reason they are even this heavy is because of the great stinking engine sitting up the front. And they're still fast. A Toyota Aurion goes from 0-100kmh in just 7.4 seconds, which is around the same acceleration as a Golf GTi, Lancer Ralliart, the supercharged Range Rover Sport, A Jaguar XJ8, and the V8 HEMI Chrysler 300C. All big names in the sports/luxury car world, but all sold in small volume. No one really needs their family sedan, which is not meant to go any faster than 100kmh, to break the law in 7.4 seconds.

What is considered a family car in, say, the UK for example? The Ford Mondeo. It has a four cylinder engine which is significantly more economical that an Aussie six, although not as fast - but surely fast enough for law-abiding average joes?

But it's the sense that Australian car makers feel that they don't need to invest money in fuel economy - that's what irks me. Have you ever seen an economical Diesel Falcon? Or a petrol-electric hybrid Commodore? Even Toyota, the clean green Prius king, can't rock up with a hybrid Camry yet. What do they give us? A Supercharged Aurion. In America, there are hybrid variants of just about every family-sized sedan or SUV - we keep guzzling the petrol, but we tell them they're environmental hooligans. Hypocrits? And then some.

I know that all this technology is being added to Australian cars, but we're always years behind the rest of the world - it makes me think that Australian cars really aren't cutting edge, and that we truly are "underdeveloped colonialists", as the English would put it. And we're ruining the planet - with all our unique native wildlife being ruined by climate change, you'd think we'd try to drive cars that cut down emissions, wouldn't you? But people buy Australian-made, because they feel obliged to, and while some fat worker keeps his job in Broadmeadows, the Great Barrier Reef dies.

Number Two: Australian Cars are still awful quality. This may be a product of our culture and our work ethic, but these days, cars are mostly built by robots, and there really is no excuse for cars with ill-fitting dashboards, huge gaps between interior materials, etc. - you still think we make good quality cars? Alright, think about this. Which do you think is more expensive - the materials used to make the interior of the new Commodore, or the materials used to make the interior of the new Peugeot 308? Look at the pictures below if you're not sure.

I told you. I even used a picture of the top of the line Commodore SS-V! It costs a heap more than any 308 could - why?!?! Because it is a big heavy boofy sedan with a V8 that drinks more than Amy Winehouse, that's why.

and Number Three: Australian Built vehicles are robbing us of safety features we deserve. This is inexcusable. You've all seen the latest ads for the Falcon, saying it was the first Australian car to achieve 5-stars, and the Commodore has followed suit, but I'm still wondering: what took us so long? The technology is there, and the rest of the world have been driving cars with 5-star safety for donkey's yonks. The Renault Laguna - one of the staples of Europe's family-car market - has been a 5-star car since 1999! It might be more expensive here, and now, but at the time it certainly wasn't, and it was one of the first of an army of European cars, big and small, (but the big ones first) achieving five star safety ratings. For crying out loud, Kia have built a 5-star car before Australia. And we bag them about how unsafe everything they make is! What we don't realise, behind our "made in Australia" pride, is that we are worse.

Another point I nearly made is that I believe that Australian cars are encouraging "bogan" culture - this really isn't fair, because this is no inherent fault in the car itself, just the people who drive it. I still appreciate that the Porsche 911 is a good car, even though they are always driven by dickwits. So I'll refrain from making that point, and stick to those three above. They are enough to make me turn my nose up at Australian cars anyway. Maybe they weren't, fifty years ago, but the car industry should move with the times, and it hasn't.

So I don't think people should feel an obligation to buy Australian-made, just because they are Australian. It doesn't make you "Unaustralian" if you don't, anyway. You have the choice to buy a better car, so you should - if enough people do the same thing, then the Australian car companies will realise they have to do better.

And slowly, this is what is happening. Australian car sales are slowing, whether it is because of environmental conscience or petrol prices (sadly, probably the latter), and companies who are building cars in Australia have had to beg the government for grants so that their operations remain profitable. But given the chance, I'm sure Holden and Ford would just keep on making large cars with big V8s - I think our mate Mr. Rudd (the K-Dog) thought so too. He's making Holden build a hybrid here in Australia (based on an American car, mind you), he's making Toyota build a hybrid Camry, and he's making Ford build their Focus here in Australia, with diesel variants. That's a start, but the whole culture has got to change - Australians have to see that there are huge problems with the cars we're currently turning out, and we have to change our attitude toward these problems. "She'll be right, mate" isn't going to cut it with me, anyway.

So I'll hate Australian cars, and be a traitor to my homeland until these issues are resolved.

RANT: Australian Cars

I can't believe how sick of the Holden Epica diesel I am. I never seen them on the road, but I see them everywhere - in ads! Holden desperately want the Epica to sell, but the car was flawed from the start. Let me fill you in.

Holden used to source its small car range from GM Europe - basically Opel. We had the Barina (Corsa in Europe), which was quite good, even if it did age dramatically after competitors like the Mazda2 and Honda Jazz enter the market; there was the Vectra, which was pretty mediocre; and there was the Astra, which was a sales tour-de-force, because it was really good, and suited Australian buyers.

The last Vectra flopped around the world, and Barina sales slowed. So Holden put their heads together, and came to the conclusion that these cars must be selling slowly because they were too expensive - which wasn't the case at all. The Barina was just simply getting old, and the Vectra was just crap.

So Holden sourced a new line of vehicles from GM Korea (formerly Daewoo, but now a GM product supplier) - because Korean cars are much cheaper. However, they forgot to mention that Korean cars are much worse than their European counterparts (well, generally). So we now have a Daewoo Kalos for a Barina - a shocking car in every respect (with a 2-star ANCAP safety rating...!). Surprise surprise, it isn't selling well. They introduced the Captiva as a rival to the Ford Territory, but the Territory is obviously better, so no one is buying Captivas either. We also have the irrelevant Viva, which is another case of "why would you bother"? It's no wonder Toyota is now outstripping Holden sales by about 2:1 - once upon a time (not too long ago) Holden used to dominate the Australian sales charts.

But now there is the Epica - not an "epic car" by any stretch of the imagination, and a totally uninspiring piece of kit that makes Holden look about six or seven years behind the times. The otherwise quite bland Subaru Liberty looks cool by comparison, and the new Accord Euro and Mazda6 (especially) are light years ahead.

Which brings me back to the ads. Apart from that stodgy slogan - "Go Better" - Holden has a problem on their hands, in that they have a decidedly boring product to advertise. It will never beat its Japanese rivals (listed above) on excitement, so they've decided to compare the Epica to something equally unexciting. The Toyota Camry. You can tell a car maker is getting desperate when they take a stab at other car makers.

The Epica diesel is 20% more economical than a Toyota Camry, apparently - a petrol Camry, so you'd bloody well hope it is. Because of how much more expensive diesel is than petrol, the Epica ends up only about 8% cheaper to run. Woohoo. The real difference is when the Holden breaks down five times a month because it's made by slave labourers in Korea, whereas the indestructible Camry keeps on keeping on. Don't get me wrong, I hate Camrys too, but the point is that Holden had to pick on something as boring as the Toyota Camry to try and make the Epica look good ("try" being the operative word).

And yet, Holden are merely showing their contempt of the intelligence of Australian car buyers by attempting to pass the Epica off as a world-class car. Show Holden that you aren't that stupid, and buy something else. Show Holden that Australians believe in quality, not just a price tag.

RANT: Those pesky Holden Epica ads!