Seeing the new Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4, recently delivered to the Italian police force, I laughed very hard, as we all did when we learnt about it. A tiny two-door coupe, with a 412kW V10 screamer of an engine, working as a police patrol car? The idea was fantastic, if absolutely ludicrous. But the idea of giving a police force a wacky or superfast police car is not a new idea, and has happened all over the world - with interesting results, I must say. So I thought I'd take you through the world of desirable (arguably, anyway) police cars. It is quite a fun trip, and certainly yields some unlikely results.

Believe it or not, Italy aren't the only country to have a Lamborghini Gallardo in its police force fleet. In South Africa, a Gallardo with a slightly underwhelming paint job rules the streets, especially imported from Italy. It is actually loaned to the police force by the importer. So why exactly did the South African police want a Lamborghini Gallardo in the fight against crime? As an "attention-getting device" to control traffic, or so they say. Good try, boys and girls. We all know you spend your time doing donuts in the station carpark.

But if we could get back to the Italians for a second, what do you think they drive when they don't drive their Gallardo? There is, after all, only one. Well, among their fleet, we also have some Smarts, for use in narrow Rome alleyways and streets. Can you imagine the pain of an Italian police officer going on duty? "I'll just take the Gallardo today, what do you reckon boss?" - "Oh sorry, I'll be out on the road in that today - you can have the Smart instead." Shot down!!!! By the time the smart reaches 100kmh from a standing start, the Gallardo is past 250 - it's that fast.

Naturally, the Germans have also taken this idea to a nutty new extreme, and produced a few police cars that can chase just about anything on the autobahn - like this Brabus CLS Rocket, a heavily tuned version of the Mercedes-Benz CLS. The Brabus CLS Rocket has a twin-turbo V12 sitting under the bonnet, with a mind-bending 544kW on tap. The Brabus CLS Rocket is actually the worlds fastest street-legal production sedan, with a top speed of 362.5kmh. Unbelievably.

In case those nutty krauts get bored with their monster of a CLS, they also have a TechArt tuned Porsche 911 Carrera S to chase down the bad guys. It will also do 300kmh, and a 0-100kmh sprint of just 4.5 seconds. What a shame the German police have too much integrity to have a drag between this and their Brabus CLS... now that I would pay to see. Ah, but TechArt swear that they've modified the 911 safely for community well-being, and all that jazz - you can tell they're just really lying by looking at the size of the alloy wheels!

But sometimes you just have to wonder about the practicality of these cars. I mean, in Bulgaria, they decided that a Porsche 911 Convertible would be perfect for the job. A convertible?!?! Why does it have to be convertible? Do the police officers really need to feel the wind in their short-shaven hair when they're pursuing a crook? Obviously in Bulgaria the union has demanded it. And what about the flashing lights? Where do they go now? Sometimes you wonder whether they really wanted to use them as proper police cars, or as public relations stunts.

In The Netherlands, they've gone even crazier in their quest for the ultimate police car. They've got a Spyker C8 Spyder, which is a convertible also (for some apparent reason), and has Lamborghini-like scissor doors. For chopping off the heads of criminals, I presume. Don't laugh, this is quite likely - remember that marijuana use is quite legal in The Netherlands, even encouraged. You can walk into a corner shop and get wonderful giant-sized hash lollipops for one euro each - true story. So that's why there is a Borat impersonator in the driver's seat with a Sale of the Century buzzer on his head.

In the US, the story is similar, although Americanised. Take this supercharged V8 Hummer H2, which stalks the streets of, you guessed it, Texas. And with it's 7.0 Litre engine producing 522 kilowatts of power, it's all fine and dandy by this County Sheriff. He's just loving it, isn't he?

And of course, the muscle cars. There are heaps of police muscle cars in the US - and it's a national culture that police cars simply have to be faster than everything else. So below, in order, we have a very beefy Dodge Magnum, which is all dressed up to run people over - what a shame the police don't do that either; we have a nice and welcoming Dodge Viper, demonstrating some famous southern hospitality; a Chevrolet Corvette with flame livery, because it's necessary to look cool; and of course, a Ford Mustang.

In China, they've taken a similar approach to the US - they also have a Hummer for their police department. Except, of course, because it is Chinese, it is a copy of a Hummer, and not the real thing. Is anyone else getting some Chery QQ deja vu, or is it just me? And if you're thinking that it looks very much like a military vehicle, then you're thinking exactly what I'm thinking - it's basically a big bad tractor, ready to eat all the left over Chinese children, I reckon. Alright, that was a low blow. But you have to admit, it certainly looks sinister - I would get very scared if one of these things appeared in my rearview mirror, anyway.

And next door, in Japan, they've decided that the best way to take on "fooli-sik" types in their Skyline GT-Rs is to, well, get a GT-R themselves. You know what they say: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. So that's exactly what the Japanese are doing. So now, every time I see a Skyline roar past me with bright blue underbody neon lights and an ear-splitting stereo, I'll wish that a Japanese GT-R was there to hunt it down. I mean, it even has a vertical plastic screen on the bonnet - aerodynamics perhaps?

These efforts tend to make the Australian police cars pale in comparison, although we have had a few interesting efforts over the years. An Alfa Romeo GT springs to mind, which is stylish, if not brutally fast, but really, you can't go past the Lotus Exige - and both cars lie in the Queensland Police Department! Ahh, those Queenslanders - something in the hot tropical air does it to them. Still, gotta admire their style.

So what would be your ultimate police car? What would you like to see? A British DBS? A Swedish Koenigsegg? Now that would probably kill more people than it'd save! Bad idea...

FEATURE STORY: Wacky and Fast Police Cars