RANT: I Don't Like That Arse, I Don't...
I like the Mitsubishi Lancer - it's a car that is pretty much at the top of it's game, up with the class competitors, and selling well. It's exactly the thing Mitsubishi Australia needed to increase profitability in our market. Then they introduced the Sportback.
In one rather memorable story, I remarked that you're usually pretty safe with any small car that has the word "Sport" added to it. I was pretty much right, but only because in that case, the "sport" referred to a level of specification (tuned suspension, bodykit, etc.), and not the rear end of a car. It's becoming a growing trend. Audi named the four-door version of their A3 the "Sportback", then Holden decided that the new Commodore wagon should be called "Sportwagon" (what the frick is sporty about a 5-metre long Commodore Omega wagon has got me beat), and now we have the Lancer Sportback. The reason why I'm really annoyed by the Lancer is because, unlike the Audi and the Commodore, it looks absolutely hideous.
I couldn't find a picture on the internet that hadn't been cleverly angled to hide the wierd shape of that rear hatchback - it looks pretty unloved, doesn't it? Nevertheless, I will assume that it broadens the Lancer's appeal further, and can probably carry heaps of stuff. Why I'm really mentioning it is because usually, the transfer from hatch to booted sedan comes up with some hideous cars. Think about when they made the Toyota Echo sedan! That was a shocker. Thankfully, car makers have realised that we tend not to buy ugly spin-offs of good cars, so we don't get some of these hatch-to-sedan blunders. Elsewhere however, they have. Often, these are travesties that are best represented in profile - the Citroen C4 sedan. Nowhere near funky enough to be a dancing robot (tell Tsoukinator). Another example I'd like to show you is the Mazda2 Sedan - horrible!
But the point is, with the Lancer, they went from sedan to hatch, and still got it wrong! Still, my real venom is saved for the hatch-to-sedan reworking of the new Subaru Impreza, which is about to hit our shores as a WRX model. First though, I want to have a dig at the Subaru hatch, which is now the focus of the range (not the sedan, as it used to be).
I want to have a dig at it not because I think it is ugly (even though I do think so) - Imprezas, and Subaru's in general, are meant to be ugly. It's reassuring. It tells you: "Don't worry. I haven't changed. I'm still ugly - I'm still good quality Subaru inside." Instead, I hate it because in profile, or side-view, it has basically copied the proportions of the current (and outgoing) Mazda3. Tut, tut, tut.
Alright, now it's the sedan's turn. The front half of the car is actually bearable, but only once you've seen the rear end. Subaru have done even more copycating here - although this time, they've copycatted something really bad to start with.
What would you think if I told you that you're new "fooli sik" WRX looked like a Suzuki SX4? Well, I'd be right, and you'd be fuming - "how dare you compare my fooli sik WRX with that heap of sh**!" you will say. But I will walk away and laugh, because the arse of your $50,000 sports car, with rally credentials, street savvy, and a youthful image - looks identical to the arse of your grandma's little runaround
.
