I don't know why Renault tries to market the Koleos as a rugged, earthy 4x4. In advertisements, we see the Koleos driving through rivers, splashing mud on an unsuspecting Alfa Romeo owner... but it's all a bit of a gimmick. Heaven knows a Koleos will never see the rough side of a dirt track. But that doesn't stop marketing spin.

Which is a shame, because the Koleos itself, once freed from the hype and spin, is a very honest car. By that, I mean, it is quite unpretentious and a quiet achiever. First off, unlike some of the latest 4x4 efforts from some Japanese manufacturers (X-Trail, CR-V, I'm talking about you), the Koleos actually looks quite pleasant. Sure, the front end will never be pretty like a Volkswagen Tiguan or a Volvo XC60, but the overall shape of the Koleos is sufficiently elegant. It doesn't try to look tough - it's just focussed on being a pleasant car. In that respect, it succeeds, and not just in terms of exterior styling.

The interior of the Koleos is most definitely a highlight. The plastics feel soft and supple, yet durable, the design is chic and functional (reminds me a bit of a Volvo, without the gimmicky "floating centre console) and the use of colour here (particularly in the Privelige model) is as good as I have seen on any car, in any price range. It's just a nice place to be. The seats are brilliantly comfy, and there are great little ledges, storage pockets, and other neat touches that make you smile from ear to ear. It really is, very well thought out - you only need to glance at the brochure to sense this. Even the dual hinged tailgate (a "clam-shell" type) can act as a loadbearing seat for about two people (rated at up to 200kg). Neat touch, you have to say - and it's not a gimmick. I've tried it, and it really does feel sturdy.

4x4s are never very sporty to drive, but Koleos doesn't try to be. It remains comfortable and quiet at all times, and keeps the handling nice and predictable. It doesn't try to be anything it's not. But of course, no car is perfect. The petrol engine is weak and high-revving, which is detrimental to fuel economy, so the diesel is the one to choose here. And even then, if you choose the automatic, power and torque take a big hit. Definitely investigate engine and transmission combinations if you're thinking of buying this car. Add to that the less-than-perfect reliability record of Renault - they say they've investing bazillions of dollars in achieving high quality and reliability standards, but do you trust that? They're marketing department is only capable of gimmicks, after all. But the interior does appear well made, so time will tell if it holds up well. But the Koleos isn't a gimmick. It deserves to sell well, and give Renault some badly needed success in Australia.

As a used car, it's hard to guage just how reliable the Koleos will be in the long run. One thing is for certain - because it's a Renault, it'll lose it's value faster than you can say "depreciation".

GET TO THE POINT!

Overall Rating: 8.5/10
Style: 8/10
Build Quality: 8.5/10
On-Road Performance: 8/10
Value For Money: 8.5/10
Practicality: 9/10
Safety Rating: 5-star EuroNCAP
Average Real Owner Reliability: Unavailable

THE STUFF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT!

Engines:

Engine Type and Displacement - Power - Torque - Fuel Economy
2.5 Litre Petrol - 126kW - 226Nm - 9.5L/100km
2.0 Litre Turbo Diesel Manual - 127kW - 360Nm - 6.3L/100km
2.0 Litre Turbo Diesel Automatic - 110kW - 320Nm - 6.7L/100km

Features:
Alloy Wheels: YES
Leather: Only on Privelige model
Cruise Control: YES
Air Conditioning: YES - Climate Control
Power Windows and Mirrors: YES
Stability Control: YES
Airbags: SIX
Foglamps: YES
CD Changer: only Privelige has 6 CD
Speakers: Dynamic has FOUR, Privelige has SEVEN
Sunroof: optional Panoramic Sunroof ($1,890)
Metallic Paint: $800 option
Spare Wheel: Full-size spare
Warranty: 3 years/100,000km

HOW MUCH MOOLAH?

Effective March 2009

$29,990 - Dynamique 4×2 2.5 Litre petrol, 6-speed manual
$32,990 - Dynamique 4×2 2.5 Litre petrol, CVT automatic
$36,990 - Dynamique 4×4 2.5 Litre petrol, CVT automatic
$39,990 - Dynamique 4×4 2.0 Litre Diesel 6-speed manual
$39,990 - Dynamique 4×4 2.0 Litre Diesel 6-speed auto
$41,990 - Privilege 4×4 2.5 Litre petrol CVT

WHAT ELSE COULD I GET?

Dodge Nitro
Honda CR-V
Hyundai Tucson
Jeep Compass
Jeep Patriot
Kia Sportage
Mitsubishi Outlander
Nissan Dualis
Nissan X-Trail
Ssangyong Actyon
Ssangyong Kyron
Subaru Forester
Suzuki Grand Vitara
Toyota RAV4
Volkswagen Tiguan

YOUR CAR IN BRIEF: Renault Koleos

This little oddity is the people's car of the 21st century. The Tata Nano will offer the dream of personalised transport to the millions of people in India who can afford 100,000 Rupees. This equates to just $2,815 Australian. And it's quite a normal car, considering - the entire bodywork is made of sheetmetal, like a normal car, it's safe enough to be a normal car, and is roomy enough to be a normal car. It even has four doors and four seats! At just over 3 metres long, this would have to be one of the most efficient uses of space I've ever seen.But I'm wary of Tata's Nano. Soon, millions upon millions of people will own this car, when ordinarily they would never have had enough money to buy a car. 350,000 Nanos will be built every year. At just 100,000 Rupees, so many more Indians will have a car. Millions and millions more Indians will be able to heavily contribute to global warming, and clog up the streets of India, and contribute to the frightening Indian road death toll.

This is obviously an arrogant and elitist point of view - I don't consider it wrong for any Australian to buy a car, and yet I think of denying Indians the privelige we have. The privelige of owning a car, and creating a global greenhouse problem. We should have known that eventually, the problem of petrol-powered cars will reach an epic scale - but the advent of the Nano makes it all the more real. Machines that destroy the environment are being made and used on a massive scale, and although I do love these machines (I am an automotive enthusiast after all) I can't help but feel morally obligated to voice my concerns.The green cars (electric, hydrogen fuel-cells, whatever) need to save us. We need to be able to buy them, and quickly. Cars like the Tata Nano are absolutely brilliant, but they're fatally flawed - not just by their CO2 emitting potential, but by their mass-production. Usually, I would delight in showing you all the laughable facts about this car, but the truth is, I'm sad about the release of the Tata Nano. I feel the forbidding of mother nature.FACTOIDS

• Drive system: Front Wheel Drive
• Transmission: 4 Speed Manual
  
• Number of doors: 5
• DIMENSIONS
  • Overall length: 3,099 mm
  • Overall width: 1,495 mm
  • Overall height: 1,652 mm
  • Wheelbase: 2,230 mm
  • Tread
    • Front: 1,325 mm
    • Rear: 1,315 mm
• CAPACITIES
  • Seating capacity: 4
  • Luggage capacity
    • Rear seatback raised (VDA method): 135 L
      
  • Fuel tank capacity: 15 L
    
• ENGINE
  
  • Number of cylinders: 2
    
  • Piston displacement: 624 cm3 (0.6 Litres)
    
  • Maximum output: 26kW @ 5,250 rpm
  • Maximum torque: 48 Nm @ 2,500-4,000 rpm
• PERFORMANCE
  • Maximum speed: 105 km/h
  • 0-100 km/h: Probably quite a while
    
  • Fuel consumption (Average): 4.2 l/100 km
  • CO2 emissions (Average): 101 g/km

NEWS: India's Tata Nano Heralded As "World's Cheapest Car"

I really didn't know the difference between a sunroof and a moonroof - I only worked it out yesterday. So I thought I'd share it with you. I had always imagined that a sunroof and a moonroof were exactly the same thing, but now know the rather significant difference.

A sunroof is essentially a large glass panel in the roof of a car, which is almost always heavily tinted (so all the UV rays don't come into the car and sizzle the top of your head). The idea is that you can see through the glass and up to the wonders of blue skies. Sometimes however, it is simply too hot or too sunny for that kind of thing, so you can usually cover the sunroof from the inside with a retractable sheet of plastic or fabric which shields you from the light. Alternatively, if you're diggin' the sunshine, you can (usually electrically) make the sunroof glass slide up over the top of your roof, and let the golden rays of sun in. Hence, this is why it is called a "sunroof."

A moonroof is very similar, except for one important missing feature. With a moonroof, you can't allow the glass panel to slide away and let the sunshine in - it's a fixed panel. I suppose that's why it's called a "moonroof" - you can't let the golden rays of moonshine in, no matter how hard you try.

All this is illustrated with this picture below. On the left of the picture is a sunroof for the front passengers - it's letting the sun in. You can also see a plastic grab handle in the middle of the roof which allows you to cover over the glass (you might need to click the picture so you can see it in a larger format). To the right of the picture is a moonroof for the rear passengers, which has all the features of the sunroof, without the ability to let the sun completely "in", if you know what I mean.Another cool feature you might hear of is a "panoramic sunroof". I've included this picture of one in a Citroen C4. The thing that makes it "panoramic" is that unlike the sunroof and moonroof in the previous picture, a panoramic sunroof spans the entire roof length of the car. It's like one giant sunroof. Except for the fact that it really should be called a panoramic moonroof, because it's one huge big fixed glass panel, and cannot allow sunlight properly "in" - unhindered by tinted glass.Okay, there really isn't a huge difference between these things, but if you're going to splash out such a huge amount of money on a sunroof/moonroof (usually about $2000), I think you might want to make sure it has all the features you want.

LINGO: Sunroof vs. Moonroof

Haven't found what you're looking for? You can always take a look through this sitemap, which is categorised in subsections, and chronologically ordered from most recent to oldest.

India's Tata Nano Heralded As "World's Cheapest Car"
GENEVA 2009: Aston Martin Lagonda
MELBOURNE 2009: BMW Tips its Hat to the M1
MELBOURNE 2009: Suzuki Alto Creates Supermini Class in Australia
MELBOURNE 2009: Mitsubishi iMiev is Electrifying
MELBOURNE 2009: Subaru Makes a Stella Electric Failure
MELBOURNE 2009: Ford Facelifts Focus and Territory
MELBOURNE 2009: Holden Cruze To Go On Sale in Six Months
MELBOURNE 2009: Audi Q5 Stages Jennifer Hawkins
MELBOURNE 2009: Ford Fiesta ECOnetic Slaps Hybrids in the Face
GENEVA 2009: "Baby" Rolls Royce, Say What?
GENEVA 2009: Hyundai ix-ionic Will Become ix35 Replacement
GENEVA 2009: Rinspeed i-Change Shapeshifter
Audi A4 Allroad
GENEVA 2009: BMW Says "It's On, Biatch!" With 5-Series Gran Turismo
CHICAGO 2009: Chevrolet Stingray Concept to Star in Transformers
Saab 9-3X Turns Swedes Butch
Citroen DS Inside Concept for Geneva 2009
New V12 Vantage Will Become Fastest Aston... Momentarily
2010 Mazda3 MPS and i-Stop
Citroen Bringing Sexy Back With Revived DS
Opel Ampera Set To Make Chevy Volt Sexy
Porsche 911 GT3 Wonders If It Should Be King
New Kia Cerato is an Interesting Mish-Mash
Cadillac Not Coming to Australia, Boo Hoo...
Mercedes-Benz McLaren SLR Stirling Moss
BMW Z4 Proves BMW Can Still Make A Good-Looking Car
Peugeot 3008 Officially Launched into a New Market Segment
DETROIT 2009: Volkswagen BlueSport Concept has MX-5 Chewing Fingernails
DETROIT 2009: Subaru Legacy Concept Points to Future Liberty/Legacy
DETROIT 2009: The Next-Gen Toyota Prius for Next-Gen Greenies
2010 Mercedes-Benz E-Class With Split Priorities
DETROIT 2009: "Sportback Concept" - Which is German for "Audi A7"
Audi A7 to Challenge CLS
Chevrolet Volt to Save the Planet
Porsche Panamera Unveiled and Uncool
Mazda3 2010 Update
Bond is About to get Jealous
Ferrari California
Hyundai i20 to Replace Getz
PARIS 2008: Lamborghini Estoque Concept
PARIS 2008: Mercedes-Benz S600 Guard Pullman
2009 Megane - "Bootylicious" No More
Volkswagen Golf Mark VI
PARIS 2008: Ssangyong Learns What Sstyle Means
Mazda3 2010 Teaser Photos


March 2009


LED Display Wheels
Fiat 500 Barbie
Lamborghini Stilettos for the Fashion Conscious (read deprived)
The Bamgoo That Looks Like a Poo
This Post Has A Lot Of Smarts
Scott Wade's Mind-Blowing Dirty Car Art
The Mansory Monstrosity Redefining Bad Taste
The Copycat Chery QQ
The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile
Pontiac Creating A Worldwide Laughing Stock
Ergo to Renault - Don't Design Turds!


Car Commercials From the Superbowl
My Sister Bought an i30... Shock!
Wacky and Fast Police Cars
Have A Laugh With These Car Names
Your First Car
The Really Cool (and not) Cars Of 2008
How to do "Retro" Tastefully
Mercedes-Benz GLK Class vs. Volvo XC60
Which Small Cars Can A Man Drive With Dignity?


MELBOURNE 2009: Wrap-up
Australian Cars
I Don't Like That Arse, I Don't...
The American Car Industry Deserves To Die
Those Pesky Holden Epica Ads!


Renault Koleos
Hyundai i30
Fiat Ritmo
Citroen C5
BMW 3-Series
Audi A4
Alfa Romeo 159
Index


Cruise Control
Understeer and Oversteer
Sunroof vs. Moonroof


BMW 5-Series 1972
The Renault Laguna Concept


God Save Our Gracious... Cars


About IN YOUR FACE!
Contact Us At IN YOUR FACE!
IN YOUR FACE is on a Brief Hiatus... for now
"IN YOUR FACE!" To Become an Information Station

IN YOUR FACE! -- Site Map

As unremarkable as it may look, the Hyundai i30 is a landmark car for both Hyundai and automotive history. It is the first Korean car that is actually good. Not only is it historically significant, it is highly capable and ticks all the boxes a prospective car buyer could possibly want.

It looks rather good, and even better when it's not restricted to a 2D picture. It'll never be cool, especially with a Hyundai badge on the front and rear, but to most people, the Hyundai i30 looks pleasantly attractive, if not stunning. And importantly for a Korean car, it's built to a high quality standard. If you get inside an i30, close your eyes and have a feel of the interior, you'll swear that it was a Japanese car. The interior, on the whole, is impressive, with great functionality, presentation (if not filled with attitude), and like I mentioned earlier, high quality. It's fantastically roomy inside, and could quite easily be used as a 5-seater family car, believe it or not. Because it's a Hyundai, it's cheaply priced, and yet it still manages to be a wonderful drive - it has strong handling credentials and an impressive ride.

What don't I like? Pretty inconsequential things, really - if you get the top-spec SR model, please don't get the two-tone chrome/silver alloys, that way you'll do the community a good service. And don't get the bodykit either - often the paint colour of the bodykit doesn't match the car, and it looks like it's been tacked on with blu-tack anyway. But those things won't matter to most people. They didn't matter to my sister - she bought one.

It's even available as a wagon, though I don't know why you'd bother. It looks odd, and the cargo space in the regular hatch version is so great I can't see why you'd need much more. There's nothing much not to like about this car - except the shame that it's a Hyundai. But at least you'll know that it was the first good Hyundai.

As a used car? If your i30 isn't more than 5 years old, it should still be covered with Hyundai's warranty, but the i30 is built to Japanese-like standards, so not much can really go wrong. It'd be a great first car, and well worth a look.

GET TO THE POINT!

Overall Rating: 9/10
Style: 7.5/10
Build Quality: 9/10
On-Road Performance: 8.5/10
Value For Money: 9.5/10
Practicality: 9/10
Safety Rating: 4-star ANCAP, 5-star ANCAP with side and curtain airbags
Average Real Owner Reliability: 9.2/10 (www.carsurvey.org March 2009)

THE STUFF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT!

Engines:

Features:
Alloy Wheels: Only on SLX, SR, and Sportswagon
Leather: Not Available
Cruise Control: Only on SLX, SR and Sportswagon
Air Conditioning: Standard - SLX, SR and Sportswagon have Climate Control
Steering Wheel Audio Controls: Only on SLX, SR and Sportswagon
Power Windows and Mirrors: YES
Stability Control: Standard
Airbags: SX has TWO (option of six for $700); SLX, SR and Sportswagon have SIX
Foglamps: Front only on SR, SLX and Sportswagon
CD Changer: Six Disc only on SR and Sportswagon
Speakers: SX has FOUR; SLX, SR and Sportswagon have SIX
Bluetooth: Optional
MP3 Compatibility: Standard on all models (USB connection included)
Sunroof: Not Available
Metallic Paint: $320 option
Spare Wheel: Full-size spare
Warranty: 5 years/130,000km

HOW MUCH MOOLAH?

Effective March 2009

$19,390 - 2.0 Litre Manual SX Hatch
$21,390 - 2.0 Litre Automatic SX Hatch
$21,890 - 1.6 Litre CRDi Manual SX Hatch
$23,890 - 1.6 Litre CRDi Automatic SX Hatch
$23,890 - 2.0 Litre Manual SLX Hatch
$25,890 - 2.0 Litre Automatic SLX Hatch
$26,390 - 1.6 Litre CRDi Manual SLX Hatch
$28,390 - 1.6 Litre CRDi Automatic SLX Hatch
$26,540 - 2.0 Litre Manual SR Hatch
$28,540 - 2.0 Litre Automatic SR Hatch

$20,890 - 2.0 Litre Manual SX CrossWagon
$22,890 - 2.0 Litre Automatic SX CrossWagon
$23,390 - 1.6 Litre CRDi Manual SX CrossWagon
$25,390 - 1.6 Litre CRDi Automatic SX CrossWagon
$27,390 - 2.0 Litre Automatic SLX CrossWagon
$29,890 - 1.6 Litre CRDi Automatic SLX CrossWagon
$29,990 - 2.0 Litre Automatic Sportswagon CrossWagon

WHAT ELSE COULD I GET?

Citroen C4
Dodge Caliber
Ford Focus
Fiat Ritmo
Holden Astra
Honda Civic
Mazda3
Mitsubishi Lancer Sportback
Nissan Tiida
Peugeot 308
Renault Megane
Subaru Impreza
Suzuki SX4
Toyota Corolla
Volkswagen Golf

YOUR CAR IN BRIEF: Hyundai i30

So what if you're new to this website? What on earth is going on here? What is IN YOUR FACE? How do I use this site? There are many questions that new users of IYF (that's IN YOUR FACE! for short, by the way) may ask. I hope to answer most of them here.

IYF is, on the surface, a plain jane automotive blog, based in Australia. But it's our attitude to cars that makes it so different. Perhaps you've been reading car reviews in newspapers, or in magazines, or online - have you ever found those reviews are often written in language you don't understand, talking about stuff that's absolutely irrelevant to you, aren't properly critical, or simply don't get to the point? This is because they don't take interest in real people. We don't matter. Their articles sound impressive.

IYF articles are written in plain English (unless you've used our translator feature!), as though the writer is speaking to YOU personally. The Insufferable Git (our writer) doesn't like feeling detached from his readers. Not only does IYF talk in its articles about stuff that's important to you - getting to the point in strong, opinionated (and often controversial) fashion - we also like talking about the stuff in the automotive world that makes us laugh. The wierd, the wonderful... you got it right here. It's this unique blend of fun articles and opinionated reports that makes IYF so special.

Every IYF article is sorted into a category, most of which are instantly available as a "quick link" from the pop-out sidebar, site map, or in the label cloud:

NEWS: Our news is as up to date as you'll see anywhere. Whether it be a stunning new concept, or first pictures of a new model, our news articles will give you the low down. Most news will also offer an interactive flash gallery full of pictures (courtesy of netcarshow.com), so you can browse as you please. Our news doesn't cover every automotive story, and we know that. We pick out the ones that are going to matter to you, or interest you in some way. So instead of wading through a blog full of useless and boring news stories, you can have the best, and only the best. If you want the latest news headlines, you only have to check the recent articles box which is located on every page of the blog.

FEATURE STORY: A feature usually involves some sort of investigation - it often includes a range of different cars, or compares cars. These stories aren't car-lover stories like you once knew them, however. Check out such classic IYF articles like "Which Small Cars Can a Man Drive?" "Wacky and Fast Police Cars" and "Have a Laugh With These Car Names" to check out what I mean. I can guarantee that you haven't seen articles like these anywhere else. This is the unique IYF breed of writing, and we hope you enjoy it.

YOUR CAR IN BRIEF: This is essentially our reviews section. Unlike probably every review you have ever read, YCIB doesn't forget anything. We've included all the specifications, in a format that is easy to read and understand (you won't have to strain your eyes looking at confusing and small-font specifications lists!), and we consider a car both as a new and used car with extensive ratings in all the important areas. You can find reliability information, up-to-date price information (Australia only, sorry), and a bevy of pictures here too. We even let you know what other cars you should investigate and compare with the car being reviewed. A lot of time and effort goes into a YCIB article, and it definitely shows. While there are few reviews as yet, due to the fact that this site is still quite new, there are new reviews added frequently, so soon I'm sure you'll agree that IYF is the ultimate site for new and used car research. Search the index here.

RANTS: These are opinion-based stories that come from issues in the automotive world, and whims and thoughts of The Insufferable Git's sad and disturbed mind. Feel free to add to the heated discussion, either through reviews or reader reaction buttons.

WATCH THIS SPACE: Don't you ever find that you want to know what cars will be coming to the showroom in the near future? What cool new cars can you expect? Well, here's your chance to find out. This detailed list is updated every month as new information arrives, complete with some new-car launches scheduled years in advance. The cars due for launch in the next month get pretty pictures, too, so you'll know exactly what to look forward to. Why don't you watch that space right here?

WTF?!: Everyone's favourite segment, and the IYF attention grabber. Laugh and cringe at cars that simply make you say, what the... uh, F. The funniest and often untold stories of the auto industry can be found here, with surprising variety. If you are a first time IYF reader, the WTF?! series is must-read, and a staple of the IYF diet. So what are you waiting for? Start reading them!

LINGO: Ever heard someone talk about cars, and use a word or acronym you don't understand? Lingo sorts out what you need to know. These articles are useful whether you're wondering what something does, how it works, or what it stands for. And it's written in language that anyone can understand, whether you're an automotive expert or newbie.

CAPTIONS: Ever seen a funny picture, that you really wish had a funny caption? This is what captions is all about. Funny car pictures, with even funnier captions. And feel free to add your own!

JEALOUSY: Have you ever paused for a moment to think "What would it be like to have [insert rich celebrity or politician here]'s life, and be able to drive their cars?" No, you probably haven't, but it does make for some interesting reading, knowing just how the other half lives.

There are, of course, many other cool features on the IYF site. You can click the "Feeling Lucky" section to get a random IYF article, you can translate the page, find related posts below the article you have just read, subscribe (and please do!), get the latest IYF articles posted to your inbox, or follow the blog with your Google/Blogger profile.

In the end, IN YOUR FACE! intends to be exactly what we claim to be - the most hilarious automotive blog on the world wide web. But that doesn't mean we're not informative and useful. It's just a great read, with a barrel of laughs thrown in, just because we feel like it.

About IN YOUR FACE!

I struggled to come to terms with the Aston Martin Lagonda Concept. It looks like a truck. I didn't see how it is possible for Aston Martin, a company known for the graceful form of its cars, to conceive such a horrendous looking car for the revival of an iconic brand name. I obviously didn't understand what the brand "Lagonda" actually meant.

Aston Martin has owned Lagonda for over 60 years, and in that time, Lagonda cars have sort of dissipated, in the same way that Aston Martin had dissipated up until the recent arrivals of the DB7 and DB9. So occasionally, every now and then, Aston Martin produced a Lagonda, and then didn't, sometimes for decades at a time. Now is the time, then, during a period of Aston Martin's resurgence, that they have decided to revive Lagonda. Shame they're doing it at a time when everyone's broke.

But back to the point about why it is necessary for the new Lagonda to look like a truck. Aston Martin and Lagonda stand for two very different things. Aston Martins are athletic - the ultimate sports tourer. Lagonda is, put simply, the ultimate statement of what a car can be. Superlative, you could say. However, Lagondas simply don't have a sporty bone in their body. As Aston Martin CEO Ulrich Bez puts it:

"Lagonda is a car that can be used in Moscow in December with half a metre of snow, and used in countries with less well-developed infrastructure, and is a luxury product."

This car, which you see in the gallery at the bottom of this article, is like a new Range Rover, which isn't meant to have the same shoddy quality as Land Rover. And way more luxurious. In other words, this truck of a Lagonda is for people who want a massive 4x4, but think a Range Rover is a bit cheap and proletarian.

GENEVA 2009: Aston Martin Lagonda

Okay, so two WTF installments in one day might be a bit like all your dreams coming true all at once (yeah, probably not, though, unless you're really sad), but while surfing the net, I came across something I just couldn't resist posting.

There are wheels, and then there are customised wheels. Americans, as usual, like to go overboard. Here in Australia, you might call chrome 22-inch wheels "excessive", but Americans haven't heard of that word. You may have heard of "spinners", which have spokes that spin even when the car is stationary. You may also have heard of LED lights which have been embedded into the spokes of the wheels. This custom tuning company has taken the latter idea to a whole new level. First, watch this promotional video.

Not only can you display images in your wheels, you can text or email new graphics to them whenever you like. As the "homie" in the video puts it, "and you can do it while you're driving!" Great! Because that's not, like, SUPER DANGEROUS, at all! I suppose it's all worth it if you get to pick up a blonde bimbo with breast implants.

I found the storyline of this video quite interesting, too. It's a bit like Romeo and Juliet, only destroyed to a pulp by modern "hood" culture and consumerism. Boy sees girl, boy falls in love with her breast implants, then proceeds to stalk girl. Girl falls in love with boy as he woos her with tonnes of chrome and LED representations of her apparently beautiful body. They embrace as they face the glowing sunset, and the love in their hearts is perfectly represented by the "nigger and my bitches" music pumping out from no less than nine subwoofers.

Act 2? Girl gets a restraining order on boy. God bless America

WTF?! #11: LED Display Wheels

WTF moments are happening all the time. As long as there are people with either wacky or stupid thoughts in their heads, things like this continue to happen. It's no secret that I really love the new Fiat 500. But suddenly, Fiat have done something that may make me rethink that opinion.

Meet the Fiat 500 "Barbie" Concept. Yes, I said Barbie. To celebrate the doll's 50th birthday, Fiat have shown off a pink version of their fashionable new 500, and have now presented it to Barbie herself (an actor I presume). More actors were involved in the presentation, it seems, because Barbie hopped in the 500, and got Ken to drive it through Milan on the way to her extravagant 50th birthday party, where Barbie will walk the lavish pink carpet as 99 red balloons are released into the sky. It sounds like lunacy, but it happened. On Monday, in fact (9th of March).

So what makes this car a Barbie car, apart from the fact that it's pink? Did you have to ask? Okay, I'll admit, I wanted to know, too. The Fiat 500 Barbie features a pink interior, to match the paintwork, but that's not all...

"...there are mats enhanced with natural silk yarn and sleek viscose, not to mention lip glosses in brilliant colours stored in the glove compartment, plus a LED-decked vanity mirror to ensure perfect application."

That's from the press release, by the way. But again, that's not all. If you look closely, there are crystals everywhere - right through the interior (air vents, steering wheel, "500" logo, just to name a few), on the hubcaps, the outer window mouldings, the antenna (...!), and to top it all off, there are pink crystals on the door pillar that take the shape of a doll's silhouette. When the Fiat 500 Barbie is garaged, it has a neat sixties 500 slip cover, that turns the new 500 into the old one with the aid of only a sheet of plastic. But that's pink too, obviously.

Whatever Fiat and Mattel could have done to make you shudder, they did. They've got a lot to answer for.

WTF?! #10: Fiat 500 Barbie?

It may surprise you, but as the Melbourne Motor Show draws to a close, I'm feeling thoroughly disappointed. Not for the fact that it's finished, and that there now won't be another one in Melbourne until 2011 - I'm disappointed because there wasn't a whole lot to see.I mean, yes, there were some important new releases, some great new eco-friendly technology, but ultimately, the appeal of something like a Motor Show is the variety of cars on show. That was missing this year - this is probably due to a multitude of reasons, the most important of which involves words like "economic" and "crisis". The spaces between cars was huge this year, and it felt almost empty. Not empty of people, but of cars. There is still strong public support for the Motor Show, as there has been for some years now, but this time, the carmakers just didn't rock up to the party. Perhaps this is why the Melbourne Motor Show has been rescheduled to every two years - Motor Show organisers want everyone to turn up.

There were so many quite important carmakers that were a no show that they were almost impossible to count. Not that it stopped me. I counted a total of 17 carmakers that ordinarily, would have been there, but were in fact absent. Count them if you don't believe me.

I certainly mourned Alfa Romeo, not just for the cars, but the seemingly mandatory sexy models in shiny red dresses. Instead, we had blonde bimbos in skimpy frills attempting to glamourise Toyotas. Not as satisfying.

Of course, American carmakers like Chrysler and Dodge and Jeep were absent, obviously because they are more strapped for cash than a boarding university student (and come from the same broke parent company). I didn't really miss them as much, coincidentally. Inexplicably, Hummer managed to get one solitary H3 under the lights of the Melbourne Exhibition Centre. Why Lord, why? I did miss Citroen, however. I was very much keen to explore the insides and outs of the new C5, and fall in love with the C4's dash design (and 3-door hatchback) all over again.

In the sports car arena, both Ferrari and Maserati were missing, leaving only Lamborghini to wave the flag for exotic Italian carmakers. I have also been waiting for Aston Martin to turn up for what seems like an eternity - the last time they showed was 2007, from memory. Any glimpse of a DB9 is absolutely worth every cent of the entry ticket price.

Fiat wasn't there, which I was annoyed by - I was having fun guessing what accessories they would have on display in their 500 demo car. Fashionistas would have been further disappointed by Mini and Smart, as they too failed to show. Even Land Rover decided they'd give the 2009 Melbourne show a miss.

Probably the most significant were Jaguar and the venerable Mercedes-Benz - while the absence of Jaguar is easily explained (they were struggling before the world economy went into self-destruct mode) but Mercedes remains a mystery. Perhaps this is a by-product of rapidly falling sales in premium segments? Not even Volvo made a showing, and they had the new XC60 to promote.

So you would think that a less luxurious brand such as, say, Proton, would be there instead? Nope, wrong again. No Ssangyong either, which surprised me - they usually have a much bigger stand than what they deserve.

If you had never been to the Motor Show before, you'd be forgiven for thinking these carmakers didn't exist. But they do, and it's a greater sign than ever that they're in some financial strife. I would suggest to buy cars from them (not Proton and Ssangyong, idiot) - not only will it help to inject cash into these struggling carmakers, it will be lighter on your wallet. At some manufacturers, some cars are being sold for frankly ridiculously low prices, so take advantage of it.

So even though I'm going to hold a grudge against these carmakers for not turning up to Melbourne 2009, I'm suggesting that we support them by buying their products. I'm a bit of a hypocrite sometimes, aren't I?

MELBOURNE 2009: Wrap-up

One of the biggest crowd pullers at this year's Melbourne Motor Show is this outrageous design study from BMW, a design study called "M1" - it's basically a retro homage to the real BMW M1 sports car of thirty years ago. This "design study" was not in fact designed by BMW's design team, rather, it was designed by legendary Italian designer Giorgetto Giugiaro - so I guess the term "design study" has been used loosely. BMW's design team are probably just studying the work of a master like Giugiaro.

This M1 will never become a reality, like the last one, so BMW are instead happy to parade this car around to motor shows, showing off the apparent "talent" at the German firm. In this case, Mr. Giugiaro was the talent, but I really shouldn't care - it looks fantastic. Enjoy.

MELBOURNE 2009: BMW Tips its Hat to the M1

Yes, on the surface of things, it is just a crummy little Suzuki. I say "crummy", but you know I only mean boring. It's probably a fine car, but most people won't care. A bit like a So You Think You Can Dance winner - they're very good at what they do, but you don't really care. What actually gives the launch of the Suzuki Alto relevance here in Australia, is that when it arrives here soon, it will have no direct competitor.

We no longer have Daihatsu, the Daewoo Matiz no longer exists, and in fact, the only car I can think of that is remotely like the Alto is the Proton Savvy - which is about as savvy as buying a Toyota LandCruiser for inner-city driving (there's no direct correlation there, by the way). The reason why the Alto has no direct competitor is its size, mainly - at 3.5 metres, it is 40 centimetres smaller than an average size "small car" - as we know them at the moment, anyway. At this length, the Alto is even tinier than a Mini Cooper, but will be nowhere near as expensive. Expect a price at about $13,000 - which is crazy these days, and reminds me of when Hyundai Excels were that price way back in the 90's. The million dollar question is: will the Suzuki Alto be good enough, in terms of quality for as start, to catch on in Australia? For more info, read the factoids below.

FACTOIDS

• Drive system: Front Wheel Drive
• Transmission: 5 Speed Manual/4 Speed Automatic
• Number of doors: 5
• DIMENSIONS
  • Overall length: 3,500 mm
  • Overall width: 1,600 mm
  • Overall height: 1,470 mm
  • Wheelbase: 2,360 mm
  • Tread
    • Front: 1,405 mm
    • Rear: 1,400 mm
• CAPACITIES
  • Seating capacity: 4
  • Luggage capacity
    • Max. Volume: 774 L
      
    • Rear seatback folded (VDA method): 367 L
      
    • Rear seatback raised (VDA method): 129 L
      
  • Fuel tank capacity: 35 L
    
• ENGINE
  
  • Number of cylinders: 3
  • Number of valves: 12
  • Piston displacement: 996 cm3 (1.0 Litres)
    
  • Maximum output: 50kW @ 6,000 rpm
  • Maximum torque: 90 Nm @ 4,800 rpm
  • Fuel distribution: Multipoint injection
• PERFORMANCE
  • Maximum speed: 155 km/h
  • 0-100 km/h: 14 s
  • Fuel consumption (Average): 4,5 l/100 km
  • CO2 emissions (Average): 103 g/km

MELBOURNE 2009: Suzuki Alto Creates Supermini Class in Australia

From some of your responses to my recent article about the Subaru Stella on show in Melbourne, I guessed that you may think I'm the usual middle-aged car-nut. Apparently, I hate the environment, and electric cars. Clearly, these people can't read.

As I said in that article, I love electric cars. Not ones like the Subaru Stella, though. I prefer ones that actually are a significant step toward sustainable and environmentally friendly motoring. Like this Mitsubishi iMiEV. And guess what? It's coming to a showroom near you. This is the good parts you need to know:

The Mitsubishi iMiEV may only have a 47kW motor, but with 180Nm it will have impressive acceleration, and it has a healthy top speed of 130kmh. If you don't believe that those figures are enough to provide "normal" acceleration, you only need to consider that the iMiEV weighs just over a tonne - 1080kg. It's plenty, trust me. Power comes from Lithium-ion batteries, and can give the iMiEV a range of 160km, which is more than enough for most daily commutes, or your lazy Sunday drive. Recharging the batteries at the end of the day takes between 7-14 hours from flat to fully charged, depending on your power source. That may sound like a lot, but most of the time, it won't take that long to fully charge it, because it won't be fully flat to start with, if you know what I mean. Putting it on charge overnight will do just fine.

So what are the downsides, assuming there are any? Yes, there are, but crucially, as I would like to point out, they are not as significant as they are with the Stella. Like the Stella, the iMiEV is expensive. At $30,000, it may be a seriously hefty price premium for a car that is only 3.4 metres long (a whole half a metre shorter than the Colt, which isn't a huge car to start with), but nevertheless, I must commend the iMiEV for putting environmentally friendly motoring within the financial reach of a lot of people. Not everyone, admittedly, and a car this small may not be practical for some people, but the iMiEV is highly space-efficient, since it is an electric adaptation of the hugely successful Mitsubishi i (which sadly isn't sold here).

Yes, it does have some limitations, but the Mitsubishi iMiEV is a huge step in the right direction, and one that is useable for an average Joe like me, everyday. That's a win-win. I can only hope that the Australian public take to it warmly, which will encourage other car makers to bring their new, high-tech electric cars to Australia.

MELBOURNE 2009: Mitsubishi iMiEV is Electrifying