GENEVA 2009: BMW Says "It's On, Biatch!" With 5-Series Gran Turismo
The latest battlefront that the German juggernaut of Audi, BMW and Mercedes-Benz will fight for are cars like this 5-Series Gran Turismo Concept. They're based on sedans, but mostly, they are, but they think they're coupes. They're a bit confused, mostly, but they're essentially jazzy versions of otherwise conservative sedans, aimed at a more youthful market which looks toward a more sporting character. It's all about making a brand name more versatile by offering different cars that on the surface, appear to compete, but are really aimed at very different buyers. This is how the battle will play out:
Mercedes-Benz E-Class --> Mercedes-Benz CLS-Class (since 2005)
Audi A6 --> Audi A7 (due 2010, but in meantime, see Audi Sportback Concept article)
BMW 5-Series --> BMW 5-Series GT (due November 2009, based on BMW CS Concept of 2007)
Yes, from all accounts, it does seem that BMW will be calling this car the BMW 5-Series GT. BMW has revealed that this car is not just a sedan that thinks it's a coupe, but much much more. In fact, as I see it, it's a long hatchback that's almost a sedan, but with a wagon-like stance, and an element of "squashed X6" thrown in. So yes, it does have a huge rear hatchback (double hinged, thank you, sir!), it is not a sedan, and even though it doesn't look that large in these pictures (at least, not compared to the Audi Sportback) it will, in fact be exactly 5 metres long, making it almost as long as the short-wheelbase 7-Series.
With the November launch so imminent for the 5-Series GT, this "concept" is really more of a preview of the real thing. Not much will change, I would imagine - the 21 inch alloy wheels are, of course, pure fantasy, though beautiful, the wing mirrors are likely to be replaced with something less controversial, and perhaps those cool side indicators will be relocated to the mirrors. But that's it, really.
So what do I think? Well, I'm not a big fan of the X6 roofline which has been translated to this car, because it makes the car too tall, and not sleek enough - the rear is an absolute mess, and makes the infamous Bangle-butt 7-Series look graceful. Though having said that, the surfacing of the car (namely, the hard crease spanning the length of the car) is pure genius, I've fallen in love with the door handles (I know that's sad...!) and I really really like the nose of this car. It's tasteful, original and athletic - a new BMW trait that was recently seen on the next-gen Z4. But what is also rather interesting is the rumour going around that this face is exactly the same as the next-gen 5-Series sedan, and that all that differs between the GT and the sedan is the roofline and rear hatchback.
Which, of course I think bodes well for the new 5-Series, but might make the GT the less attractive relative. Which, I think, means that BMW have missed the point with this car.
CAPTIONS #2: BMW 5-Series 1972
So here we are again, making some captions for some delightfully hilarious automotive pictures. Yet again, marketing is responsible for the gem below, but this time, it was never meant to be an outlandish concept. This is in fact the BMW 5-Series of 1972, a rather mainstream model.
So we all know of the tried and tested trick of getting a hot girl to pose with the car in order to demonstrate that the car, like the girl, is sexy. The hitch is, Germans have a rather distorted view of what is, in fact, sexy.
Here's what I've got so far:
"We haff a beautiful Tcherman girl on sale for you right now. Zis car in ze picture is there to maker her look good."
"You too will want to wear a dress that looks like a tablecloth when you buy a 5-Series!"
"The car doesn't belong to her. The guy who owns the car promptly jumped in the lake when he saw his blind date."
"With my new shades, I can see everything, even the downfalls of my car, through rose-coloured specs!"
"Hallo, mein name is Bertha, ich komme from Hamburg, and I eat lots of Hamburgers. Not in my car of course."
"Buy this car and I will serenade you, give you sex and give you these flowers I'm holding. Why isn't anyone buying this car...!"
