I'm convinced of something: people don't actually watch the superbowl for the stupid sport American jocks play... they watch it for the commercials! A 30-second spot in the Superbowl telecast is worth about 3 Million US dollars, so ad agencies make sure they get it right. So I've got for you the three best car-related commercials to air during the Superbowl telecast. They're crackers, but which is the best?

FEATURE STORY: Car Commericials From the Superbowl

Yes, you heard right. Citroen are going to revive the iconic DS. Well, at least the name of it, anyway. Here's the plan - they're basically just going to take existing C3, C4 and C5 platforms, jazz them up, call them the Citroen DS3 DS4 and DS5, and sell them alongside their "C" couterparts at a price premium. That sounds like a marketing dodginess, but I'm actually quite excited, because the idea is that these new DS models will have the same values and focus as the original DS of the previous century.I have to explain to you all why I love the DS - it's probably my favourite car of all time. That's right, no Bugatti Veyrons or Ferrari Enzos for me, just a shiny DS. And yes, before you wonder, this was the graphic in the original magazine advertisement of 1955. But comparing the DS to a spaceship was, at the time, not all that bizarre. First of all, look at it! It's a work of art, and has even inspired art exhibition in its honour. Secondly, it was designed by an artist - Flaminio Bertoni, an Italian sculptor. Such is the appeal of it's artistically space-age looks, that the DS has been used in no fewer than 638 movies.But the main reason why the DS remain such a classic is because of its technologically advanced and futuristic features. For instance, in conventional cars, hydraulic systems were only used for brakes and power steering. The DS used hydraulics in the suspension, clutch, and transmission systems also. Its hydropneumatic suspension became the hallmark of Citroen, since the system could automatically level the car over potholes and road bumps, giving it legendary status as the car with the best ride quality ever made. In fact, the Citroen DS was compared to a magic carpet - I'm not joking. This is the car that cemented Citroen's reputation for impeccable ride quality. It could increase or decrease ground clearance depending on what kind of terrain you were travelling over. And the hydraulic clutch meant that this car could be driven as a clutchless manual - which is still all the rage among supercar makers 50 years later. It also had four-wheel independent suspension, which although doesn't sound like much to people like me, basically meant that it was infinitely lighter and more agile than any of its competitors.

It also featured many world firsts, such as disc brakes, which are now common on our modern road cars. Another first was swivelling headlights (right), which turned with the steering wheel to help you see around corners at night. Even now, so many years down the track, this is a luxury feature not present on the vast majority of vehicles. The roof was made of fiberglass to keep the centre of gravity down closer to the ground, therefore helping the handling of the car. And the interior looked like something designed by a martian, which was highly desirable to a world which at the time was ingrossed in the space race.
They made 1.5 million of these things, including 1365 convertibles like this one (right), and the DS has been sorely missed ever since. It wasn't exactly perfect - hydraulic fluid leaked from everywhere, and Citroen couldn't hire enough mechanics to fix all the broken cars. But a good DS is still a legend, and so it should be. After all, Citroen spent 18 years developing this car in secret before its 1955 launch. Here was a car that was truly, and in almost every single way, ahead of its time.

Which brings me back to this modern day DS revival. Does it sound like a sell out? Yeah, probably, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't give Citroen a chance. They've surprised us before, as the original DS points out. Citroen weren't really known for anything up until 1955 before they rocketed into exclusivity (and have since become progressively more mainstream and boring, until very recently). Heck, even the classic 2CV wasn't popular until after the DS took the world by storm.

I think for a long time, Citroen have had divided priorities. Citroen of old was reknown for wacky vehicles, futuristic designs, new technologies, and… poor reliability, but never mind, that part isn't important. Then for ages, we started to see a more and more mainstream Citroen. Boring, characterless designs that appealed to the masses. They may have sold better, but were never instant classics like the DS.

But the point is, these two ideas have never been reconciled. Instead, Citroen has been constantly struggling with itself, trying to juggle lunacy with common-sense, which doesn't work in any universe. Citroen is releasing a DS lineup so that they can make models that are truly “Citroen” as we want them to be - wacky and futuristic and all that. In this way, they can make their C1/2/3/4/5/6/8 models - I can count!!! - more mainstream, and hopefully satisfy both streams of buyers.

So I'm going to try and preempt the new technologies in these modern day DS cars... but I just can't think of anything that Mercedes or Rolls-Royce or posh makers like that haven't already done. So, if these new Citroen DS cars are going to swing with me, this is the one world-first feature they must all have.

They must be able to transform into a dancing robot.

NEWS: Citroen Bringing Sexy Back With Revived DS

I can't believe how sick of the Holden Epica diesel I am. I never seen them on the road, but I see them everywhere - in ads! Holden desperately want the Epica to sell, but the car was flawed from the start. Let me fill you in.

Holden used to source its small car range from GM Europe - basically Opel. We had the Barina (Corsa in Europe), which was quite good, even if it did age dramatically after competitors like the Mazda2 and Honda Jazz enter the market; there was the Vectra, which was pretty mediocre; and there was the Astra, which was a sales tour-de-force, because it was really good, and suited Australian buyers.

The last Vectra flopped around the world, and Barina sales slowed. So Holden put their heads together, and came to the conclusion that these cars must be selling slowly because they were too expensive - which wasn't the case at all. The Barina was just simply getting old, and the Vectra was just crap.

So Holden sourced a new line of vehicles from GM Korea (formerly Daewoo, but now a GM product supplier) - because Korean cars are much cheaper. However, they forgot to mention that Korean cars are much worse than their European counterparts (well, generally). So we now have a Daewoo Kalos for a Barina - a shocking car in every respect (with a 2-star ANCAP safety rating...!). Surprise surprise, it isn't selling well. They introduced the Captiva as a rival to the Ford Territory, but the Territory is obviously better, so no one is buying Captivas either. We also have the irrelevant Viva, which is another case of "why would you bother"? It's no wonder Toyota is now outstripping Holden sales by about 2:1 - once upon a time (not too long ago) Holden used to dominate the Australian sales charts.

But now there is the Epica - not an "epic car" by any stretch of the imagination, and a totally uninspiring piece of kit that makes Holden look about six or seven years behind the times. The otherwise quite bland Subaru Liberty looks cool by comparison, and the new Accord Euro and Mazda6 (especially) are light years ahead.

Which brings me back to the ads. Apart from that stodgy slogan - "Go Better" - Holden has a problem on their hands, in that they have a decidedly boring product to advertise. It will never beat its Japanese rivals (listed above) on excitement, so they've decided to compare the Epica to something equally unexciting. The Toyota Camry. You can tell a car maker is getting desperate when they take a stab at other car makers.

The Epica diesel is 20% more economical than a Toyota Camry, apparently - a petrol Camry, so you'd bloody well hope it is. Because of how much more expensive diesel is than petrol, the Epica ends up only about 8% cheaper to run. Woohoo. The real difference is when the Holden breaks down five times a month because it's made by slave labourers in Korea, whereas the indestructible Camry keeps on keeping on. Don't get me wrong, I hate Camrys too, but the point is that Holden had to pick on something as boring as the Toyota Camry to try and make the Epica look good ("try" being the operative word).

And yet, Holden are merely showing their contempt of the intelligence of Australian car buyers by attempting to pass the Epica off as a world-class car. Show Holden that you aren't that stupid, and buy something else. Show Holden that Australians believe in quality, not just a price tag.

RANT: Those pesky Holden Epica ads!