You'd think that supercars don't really get much of a mention in WTF?! - they're usually very cool, and very fast stuff usually doesn't deserved to be bagged. But this does. A lot.

Mansory is a German tuning firm (always those retarded Germans...) that, on the whole, has disturbingly little taste, and the cars they tune nearly always go from nice to nasty. When they got their hands on the Mercedes McLaren SLR however, it went from nice to downright nauseous.

If the warning bells aren't yet ringing now that you're looking at all the pictures, I'll explain the details that will make you chunder like you never have before. First of all, it's called the Mansory Renovatio - that nearly speaks for itself, seeing as they were only one letter away from calling it the Mansory Renovation. But what is meant to be decadent and opulent, is really sickly - finding out about this car made me feel like I had eaten too much white chocolate (which is quite a foreign feeling to me, trust me).

The exterior bodykit, let's face it, wasn't such a bad start - they could have done much, much worse. They left bits here and there in carbon, so it looks a bit more serious and racer-like. However, they overlooked one small thing - they gave an ape the keys to the paint shed, and they went and painted it gold. Yes, gold. This colour... never works. Never. On anything. Let alone one of the worlds most exclusive supercars - they've gone and raped the exterior of this beautiful car with gaudy gold paint, that's what they've done. And this too, should be a criminal offence.

Alright, I understand that this is meant to be a bespoke car - and the sky's the limit really, when it comes to naffness - but did they really have to carry the gold over to the interior? You get: gold inserts on the seats (dimpled, to echo what a rich prick you are), a gold shift lever, gold dashboard inserts, gold stitching in the leather, but then, for some reason, blue dials. Mmmm... yes... But don't forget that you've still got gold coloured alloy wheels and gold coloured engine accents! But do you want to know what Mansory have to say about their distasteful interior?

"Mansory has succeeded in creating the perfect symbiosis of sporting functionality and luxurious environment. [cough, synergy synergy synergy... cough] Only the very best materials have been used in the interior and provide for well-being."

And I am a monkey's bum. It hardly seems to matter that they tuned the SLR's engine up to 571kW - you have a car that provides for your well-being. Which is a bit rich, considering I feel sick every time I look at a picture of the Renovatio - is that well-being?!?!

You had to ask how much, didn't you? Well, the McLaren SLR costs $600,000 - roughly - so you could expect this to be considerably more. And, it'll be... uh... exculsive, anyway - surely no one wants one of these. So the price? Price On Asking. They won't even let me know how much a Renovatio costs. Have you're wallet ready, because a Renovatio costs far more than a renovation. Not that the Domestic Blitz team would get into this - even Shelley Craft isn't this gaudy.

WTF?! #5: The Mansory Monstrosity Redefining "Bad Taste"

Yes, it seems that the Mercedes-Benz CLS was something other car makers want to copy - thus we have these pictures of what the upcoming Audi A7 will look like. The CLS created a new segment - a car that had the shape of a coupe, but had four doors and could seat four people in comfort. But the CLS was either absolutely fantastic, or disproportionate and flawed, depending on your eyesight. The A7 seems to follow the same formula - rear doors that seem to be made for small children, and a roofline that rakes low enough to bump your head rather nicely as you try to enter the car. While the A7 doesn't have the CLS' awkward headlights, and doesn't have a rear end that looks like an AU Falcon, it doesn't have the smooth elegance of a CLS, and it still looks very big, bullish, and brutal. Rather, Audi-ish. News is that it will probably only be offered with Quattro all-wheel-drive, and curiously, the entry-level engine is most likely going to be the 4.2 litre V8. Which is interesting. Very interesting...

NEWS: Audi A7 to challenge the CLS

I've done a lot of ranting lately, but after this, I promise I'll stop for a little while. Someone asked me recently (in real life, you idiot, not on the blog - I have a life!) what I thought of Australian-built vehicles. For those of us who aren't entirely aware what's built in Australia these days, this is it:

Really, when it boils down to it, we have essentially three cars - Commodore, Falcon, and Camry. Don't whine that the Aurion isn't a Camry, because it darn well is - they look exactly the same side-on, and have identical interior design. The Mitsubishi 380 was made in Australia, but nobody bought them (because they were ugly, and looked like the American car it was based upon) and it ceased production last year. So that's the story of Australian made. They're all big, large cars, and on the whole - they have V6 engines.

So back to what I think of Australian-Built vehicles. I expressed in no uncertain terms my disgust for them, and was presented with the reply: "Gee, you're great for Aussie jobs, aren't you? Love our economy!" It was like my opinion was a reflection of the Aussie workers, our Aussie talent - I was "unastrayun", apparently. But I have good reasons why I hate Aussie-built cars, and it really comes down to the corporate decision-making that ruins their appeal.

Number One: Australian cars are hurting the environment. Of course they are! They're huge cars with V6 engines! And it's not some production-line worker's fault, it's the Holden bosses' fault. The average Australian sedan has about 200kW of power, with an average economy of 11L per 100km. A V8 has in excess of 270kW, and will use about 14L/100km.

I believe that 200kW is far more power in a family car than anyone really needs, and in just about every market in the world other than the US, 200kW is a figure you'd see on a high performance car - a sports car that sells in minorities. But the Australian large car is sold in majority, so the damage is amplified. You might say that these cars are so heavy that they need 200kW to push them along, but the only reason they are even this heavy is because of the great stinking engine sitting up the front. And they're still fast. A Toyota Aurion goes from 0-100kmh in just 7.4 seconds, which is around the same acceleration as a Golf GTi, Lancer Ralliart, the supercharged Range Rover Sport, A Jaguar XJ8, and the V8 HEMI Chrysler 300C. All big names in the sports/luxury car world, but all sold in small volume. No one really needs their family sedan, which is not meant to go any faster than 100kmh, to break the law in 7.4 seconds.

What is considered a family car in, say, the UK for example? The Ford Mondeo. It has a four cylinder engine which is significantly more economical that an Aussie six, although not as fast - but surely fast enough for law-abiding average joes?

But it's the sense that Australian car makers feel that they don't need to invest money in fuel economy - that's what irks me. Have you ever seen an economical Diesel Falcon? Or a petrol-electric hybrid Commodore? Even Toyota, the clean green Prius king, can't rock up with a hybrid Camry yet. What do they give us? A Supercharged Aurion. In America, there are hybrid variants of just about every family-sized sedan or SUV - we keep guzzling the petrol, but we tell them they're environmental hooligans. Hypocrits? And then some.

I know that all this technology is being added to Australian cars, but we're always years behind the rest of the world - it makes me think that Australian cars really aren't cutting edge, and that we truly are "underdeveloped colonialists", as the English would put it. And we're ruining the planet - with all our unique native wildlife being ruined by climate change, you'd think we'd try to drive cars that cut down emissions, wouldn't you? But people buy Australian-made, because they feel obliged to, and while some fat worker keeps his job in Broadmeadows, the Great Barrier Reef dies.

Number Two: Australian Cars are still awful quality. This may be a product of our culture and our work ethic, but these days, cars are mostly built by robots, and there really is no excuse for cars with ill-fitting dashboards, huge gaps between interior materials, etc. - you still think we make good quality cars? Alright, think about this. Which do you think is more expensive - the materials used to make the interior of the new Commodore, or the materials used to make the interior of the new Peugeot 308? Look at the pictures below if you're not sure.

I told you. I even used a picture of the top of the line Commodore SS-V! It costs a heap more than any 308 could - why?!?! Because it is a big heavy boofy sedan with a V8 that drinks more than Amy Winehouse, that's why.

and Number Three: Australian Built vehicles are robbing us of safety features we deserve. This is inexcusable. You've all seen the latest ads for the Falcon, saying it was the first Australian car to achieve 5-stars, and the Commodore has followed suit, but I'm still wondering: what took us so long? The technology is there, and the rest of the world have been driving cars with 5-star safety for donkey's yonks. The Renault Laguna - one of the staples of Europe's family-car market - has been a 5-star car since 1999! It might be more expensive here, and now, but at the time it certainly wasn't, and it was one of the first of an army of European cars, big and small, (but the big ones first) achieving five star safety ratings. For crying out loud, Kia have built a 5-star car before Australia. And we bag them about how unsafe everything they make is! What we don't realise, behind our "made in Australia" pride, is that we are worse.

Another point I nearly made is that I believe that Australian cars are encouraging "bogan" culture - this really isn't fair, because this is no inherent fault in the car itself, just the people who drive it. I still appreciate that the Porsche 911 is a good car, even though they are always driven by dickwits. So I'll refrain from making that point, and stick to those three above. They are enough to make me turn my nose up at Australian cars anyway. Maybe they weren't, fifty years ago, but the car industry should move with the times, and it hasn't.

So I don't think people should feel an obligation to buy Australian-made, just because they are Australian. It doesn't make you "Unaustralian" if you don't, anyway. You have the choice to buy a better car, so you should - if enough people do the same thing, then the Australian car companies will realise they have to do better.

And slowly, this is what is happening. Australian car sales are slowing, whether it is because of environmental conscience or petrol prices (sadly, probably the latter), and companies who are building cars in Australia have had to beg the government for grants so that their operations remain profitable. But given the chance, I'm sure Holden and Ford would just keep on making large cars with big V8s - I think our mate Mr. Rudd (the K-Dog) thought so too. He's making Holden build a hybrid here in Australia (based on an American car, mind you), he's making Toyota build a hybrid Camry, and he's making Ford build their Focus here in Australia, with diesel variants. That's a start, but the whole culture has got to change - Australians have to see that there are huge problems with the cars we're currently turning out, and we have to change our attitude toward these problems. "She'll be right, mate" isn't going to cut it with me, anyway.

So I'll hate Australian cars, and be a traitor to my homeland until these issues are resolved.

RANT: Australian Cars

I like the Mitsubishi Lancer - it's a car that is pretty much at the top of it's game, up with the class competitors, and selling well. It's exactly the thing Mitsubishi Australia needed to increase profitability in our market. Then they introduced the Sportback.

In one rather memorable story, I remarked that you're usually pretty safe with any small car that has the word "Sport" added to it. I was pretty much right, but only because in that case, the "sport" referred to a level of specification (tuned suspension, bodykit, etc.), and not the rear end of a car. It's becoming a growing trend. Audi named the four-door version of their A3 the "Sportback", then Holden decided that the new Commodore wagon should be called "Sportwagon" (what the frick is sporty about a 5-metre long Commodore Omega wagon has got me beat), and now we have the Lancer Sportback. The reason why I'm really annoyed by the Lancer is because, unlike the Audi and the Commodore, it looks absolutely hideous.

I couldn't find a picture on the internet that hadn't been cleverly angled to hide the wierd shape of that rear hatchback - it looks pretty unloved, doesn't it? Nevertheless, I will assume that it broadens the Lancer's appeal further, and can probably carry heaps of stuff. Why I'm really mentioning it is because usually, the transfer from hatch to booted sedan comes up with some hideous cars. Think about when they made the Toyota Echo sedan! That was a shocker. Thankfully, car makers have realised that we tend not to buy ugly spin-offs of good cars, so we don't get some of these hatch-to-sedan blunders. Elsewhere however, they have. Often, these are travesties that are best represented in profile - the Citroen C4 sedan. Nowhere near funky enough to be a dancing robot (tell Tsoukinator). Another example I'd like to show you is the Mazda2 Sedan - horrible!

I want to have a dig at it not because I think it is ugly (even though I do think so) - Imprezas, and Subaru's in general, are meant to be ugly. It's reassuring. It tells you: "Don't worry. I haven't changed. I'm still ugly - I'm still good quality Subaru inside." Instead, I hate it because in profile, or side-view, it has basically copied the proportions of the current (and outgoing) Mazda3. Tut, tut, tut.

Alright, now it's the sedan's turn. The front half of the car is actually bearable, but only once you've seen the rear end. Subaru have done even more copycating here - although this time, they've copycatted something really bad to start with.

What would you think if I told you that you're new "fooli sik" WRX looked like a Suzuki SX4? Well, I'd be right, and you'd be fuming - "how dare you compare my fooli sik WRX with that heap of sh**!" you will say. But I will walk away and laugh, because the arse of your $50,000 sports car, with rally credentials, street savvy, and a youthful image - looks identical to the arse of your grandma's little runaround.

RANT: I Don't Like That Arse, I Don't...

First of all, Happy New Year, everyone! To celebrate, I thought I'd give you a taste of some of the funniest car names I know. Feel free to help me add to the list!

It may just be because I'm a smutty guy, but what do you think of when you hear the name: Buick YJob (pictured)? Admittedly, it was only ever a concept, and back in 1938, no-one would have ever heard of the various "jobs", but I still like to think that it was a good reason it never made production. The phrase "I just got a YJob downtown" has a fantastic ring to it, doesn't it? You could even say how much you paid to get your YJob. What would the "Y" even stand for, anyway? Nevertheless, it was one of the world's first concept cars, and that's why I wanted to celebrate it here. But it was called the YJob.

Chevrolet's done some dumb ones too. You might not think this one's particularly funny, but I still thought it was a really silly name for a car: Chevrolet Celebrity (pictured). You know a car has a silly name, when you say the phrase "I just bought (or got) a..." and it sounds as stupid as "I just bought a Celebrity." By the way, remember the Holden Gemini of the 80's? Want to know what it was known as in the US? The Chevrolet Chevette. Weird.

Naturally, there are some car names have the effect of making you sound like a boring old toff - take the Dodge St. Regis, for example. Would you like a cup of Devonshire Tea with your St. Regis, sir? Or a Ford Country Squire (pictured)? Perhaps the Chrysler Town and Country is more to your liking? The Nissan President is rather evocative, I must say. I still like the Mercury Wrist Twist Park Lane concept, myself. Although you can't go past the Volvo Elisabeth I concept for regality.

Some names are meant to sound cute, but sound rather camp, instead - think about the Bedford Rascal, sold here as the equally embarassing-sounding Holden Scurry. Not to be confused with the Mazda Scrum. Or the unfortunate Nissan Cedric. Other camp names? Try Nissan Sunny, or the Lancia Jolly, which is only bettered by the Lancia Superjolly. Which in turn is trumped for campness by the Lincoln Mardi Gras concept. Although the Suzuki MightyBoy (pictured) runs it close. If you like your boys nice and meaty, I would suggest you buy a Toyota Deliboy.

Honda are responsible for some shockers, too. My personal favourite would have to be the Honda Life Dunk - followed closely by the Honda That's. I'm not joking, that is actually what they are called. Other Honda notables include the Honda Today, and the Honda Logo - which confusingly, is a car, not a logo. Oh, and don't forget the Honda Hobio - which is one solitary letter away from being the Honda Hobo.

There used to be a truck manufacturer called Fargo Trucks (pictured), before the Chrylser Group shut them down and discontinued their models. Awesome brand name, huh? But then again, the newest supercar from Germany is called Gumpert. The Gumpert Apollo. But I'm sure the most depressing brand name has to be the Standard Motor Company. Thrilling. But not as thrilling as Daewoo - which means "Great Universe" in Korean. And then there are just car makers with names that make you snigger, like Donkervoort Automobielen of the Netherlands. Ah well, for brand name perfection, we can always look to Goggomobil. And there's also the German company Yes! - I'm not kidding, there is such thing, it stands for "Young Engineer's Sportscar". Mmm... right. You like exclamation marks? Then the Th!nk City is for you. Oh, by the way, anyone fancy a Hillman Wizard?

But you'd think that a company with the name "Bond" would have some great sounding cars. WRONG! What would you say to a Bond Bug? Perhaps you would prefer a Plymouth Cricket, then? There was also the Opel Frogster concept, and the Renault Racoon concept. Pets are always a good theme, as Toyota believed when it released the Toyota Toyopet. While we're on animals, how about the Daimler Dingo? It must have been a rather good name, because Mitsubishi went ahead and named a car the Mitsubishi Dingo many years later. Reliant Kitten? Bedford Beagle? Fiat Panda? Daihatsu Bee? Mitsubishi Silver Pigeon?!?! Did you know that the Volkswagen Golf is badged as the Volkswagen Rabbit in North America? If you like fish, there's always the Citroen Nemo (pictured) - which happens to be a van. Vans like being named after animals - it's apparently cuter if they're spelled wrong too, like the Renault Kangoo.

But evidently, the Mitsubishi Lettuce sounds infinitely more appealing. Tasty, too. Mitsubishi like cars that sound edible, because they named another car the Mitsubishi Pistachio. And another, the Mitsubishi Zinger... burger. For a more healthy option, try the Nissan Cherry. Followed by a Suzuki Cappuccino for dessert.

Some car names are more indicative of what they are - take for example, the Daihatsu Midget. and the Holden Nova (which was actually a rebadged Corolla, and not in the slightest redesigned) means "doesn't go" in Italian and Spanish. If you knew the Nova, you'd agree that this interpretation is rather apt. And the Ford Popular (pictured) actually was quite popular, even though it had a longer nose than a Frenchman. And when Hyundai names a truck, they give it a really tough name, like Hyundai Mega Truck, so you get the picture. Although sometimes, in their descriptive nomenclature, Hyundai becomes a little contradictory. Certainly, I'm thinking of the Hyundai Super Truck Medium - which courteously informs us that although their truck is "Super", massive, tough and huge, it is also "Medium". Speaking of size and indicative names, none do better than the Tata Nano - which is only 3.1 metres long, with a 24kW engine, and sells in India for US$2,500.

But if you like cars that describe their owners, try the Subaru BRAT - which stands fo bi-drive recreational all-terrain transporter. And if you understand what that means, then you too are a B-R-A-T. A brat, you idiot. Or the Volkswagen Thing, which implies you are neither male nor female, but somewhere in between. The king of cars that describe their owners must be the Volugrafo Bimbo - a young woman's perfect first car.

There are heaps of cars that, like the Holden Doesn't Go, are lost in translation - the Mitsubishi Pajero is Spanish slang for "wanker", but this was not known to Mitsubishi on launch in 1982. Consequently, the Pajero was renamed the Montero in spanish-speaking markets, after a "slow" start to sales. The Fiat Ritmo (known in Europe as the Bravo) was going to be exported to the US as the Ritmo, until Fiat remembered that "Ritmo" is a brand of tampon in North America. Oooooh, awkward. Trucks aren't immune, either - the Izuzu GIGA 20 Light Dump is a classic, as is the Izuzu Mysterious Utility. But that's just baffling, not mysterious.

But of course, you want the names that have dirty connotations, don't you? What dirty minds you all have. I can tell you that the Daihatsu Naked (above right) is not exactly naked, primarily because cars don't wear clothes. Or why don't you have a Rinspeed X-Dream - and leave the details to yourself, please. And possibly the wierdest of all is the Venturi Fetish (below right) - which unsurprisingly comes from Monaco. And no, before you ask, I don't have a car fetish. I reckon telling your friends "I just bought a Fetish" will just make them stare at you blankly, before you hear this question in return: "Really, you couldn't just think of a fetish, you had to buy one?"

So which one's your favourite?

FEATURE STORY: Have a Laugh with these Car Names