I can't believe how sick of the Holden Epica diesel I am. I never seen them on the road, but I see them everywhere - in ads! Holden desperately want the Epica to sell, but the car was flawed from the start. Let me fill you in.

Holden used to source its small car range from GM Europe - basically Opel. We had the Barina (Corsa in Europe), which was quite good, even if it did age dramatically after competitors like the Mazda2 and Honda Jazz enter the market; there was the Vectra, which was pretty mediocre; and there was the Astra, which was a sales tour-de-force, because it was really good, and suited Australian buyers.

The last Vectra flopped around the world, and Barina sales slowed. So Holden put their heads together, and came to the conclusion that these cars must be selling slowly because they were too expensive - which wasn't the case at all. The Barina was just simply getting old, and the Vectra was just crap.

So Holden sourced a new line of vehicles from GM Korea (formerly Daewoo, but now a GM product supplier) - because Korean cars are much cheaper. However, they forgot to mention that Korean cars are much worse than their European counterparts (well, generally). So we now have a Daewoo Kalos for a Barina - a shocking car in every respect (with a 2-star ANCAP safety rating...!). Surprise surprise, it isn't selling well. They introduced the Captiva as a rival to the Ford Territory, but the Territory is obviously better, so no one is buying Captivas either. We also have the irrelevant Viva, which is another case of "why would you bother"? It's no wonder Toyota is now outstripping Holden sales by about 2:1 - once upon a time (not too long ago) Holden used to dominate the Australian sales charts.

But now there is the Epica - not an "epic car" by any stretch of the imagination, and a totally uninspiring piece of kit that makes Holden look about six or seven years behind the times. The otherwise quite bland Subaru Liberty looks cool by comparison, and the new Accord Euro and Mazda6 (especially) are light years ahead.

Which brings me back to the ads. Apart from that stodgy slogan - "Go Better" - Holden has a problem on their hands, in that they have a decidedly boring product to advertise. It will never beat its Japanese rivals (listed above) on excitement, so they've decided to compare the Epica to something equally unexciting. The Toyota Camry. You can tell a car maker is getting desperate when they take a stab at other car makers.

The Epica diesel is 20% more economical than a Toyota Camry, apparently - a petrol Camry, so you'd bloody well hope it is. Because of how much more expensive diesel is than petrol, the Epica ends up only about 8% cheaper to run. Woohoo. The real difference is when the Holden breaks down five times a month because it's made by slave labourers in Korea, whereas the indestructible Camry keeps on keeping on. Don't get me wrong, I hate Camrys too, but the point is that Holden had to pick on something as boring as the Toyota Camry to try and make the Epica look good ("try" being the operative word).

And yet, Holden are merely showing their contempt of the intelligence of Australian car buyers by attempting to pass the Epica off as a world-class car. Show Holden that you aren't that stupid, and buy something else. Show Holden that Australians believe in quality, not just a price tag.

RANT: Those pesky Holden Epica ads!